Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Blame it on The Moon
After catching up with the blogs I follow, it becomes so clear to me that so many of us are waiting for things to get better, some of us holding our breath in the dark, holding on, holding onto the light we have, waiting for it to get brighter. Many of us know it will. Some of us hope it will. Some of us dream it will. Some of us have forgotten how to see.
But each time the new moon arrives, I feel like I am given another chance, always another chance, a new cycle. Things do change, the moon tells us.
Birthdays cause you to reflect and looking back on my life, I have gone through a lot of changes, many more, it seems, than a lot of people I know. I am usually the one to prompt these changes. I am not always satisfied, like others, to accept my "lot" in life, to flog myself, or put up with bad situations and people. When I think back to my early life, I am amazed that I have been able to see through the opinions of others, disobey the "rules" and sing my own song. Even in my darkest times, I have somehow managed to believe, to know that change is constant. Sometimes when I am the happiest, I fear this - wanting to hold on tightly to what I have. But when things are difficult, change is hope, the kind that keeps you from giving up, keeps you getting out of bed in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other.
On the flip side, it reminds us that holding too tightly limits us as well. Being afraid to share who you are with others can make for a lonely life. Holding onto ourselves is easy when we aren't confronted by others, true, but the lesson here is to learn to stay true to ourselves despite the influence of others, to embrace those who truly understand, accept and love us and have enough self-worth to walk away from those who try to steal our souls.
Living this life, on a lot less money than we previously lived on has been challenging, but it has also allowed me to see what is really important and what I really love. I have had many kinds of birthday celebrations over my lifetime, but yesterday was particularly wonderful. Shopping for bulk herbs, little glass jars, a coveted essential oil, eating a bad-for-you lunch and The Bard's special ultra delicious Chicken Curry dinner and flipping through my new vintage hardcover book was the perfect kind of birthday for me - and I enjoyed it more than many of my previous ones.
My attachment to money is different than most. Whenever I haven't had much and wanted more, I only wanted it so that I didn't to think about it so much. When people talk about winning the lottery, they talk about trips they'd take and houses and cars they'd buy, but I wouldn't change much at all - except my thinking. My brain would be so much less crowded once the money/survival thoughts went away, and that would be very nice. And so it will be nice when this happens, but for now I have so many good things in my life that others can only dream of, which I remind myself of frequently.
So as the moon begins her cycle again, let's all sit safe in her darkness with the knowledge that the light will reappear in the sky in its own perfect time, the thinnest sliver at first, growing slowly to reveal to her awesome fullness.
© Aine O’Brien - Please do not use without permission
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